Even More Recovery Readings and Meditations - August

[bluidkiti]

August 16

Step by Step

"I came to AA simply because there were no other doors of help open to me. In AA, I have had to be torn down and then put back together differently. No one could live such an irresponsible, immature life as I had without consequences. AA made it possible for me to face the consequences of my past actions. After I came to AA, I was divorced by my wife; I lost my practice; I was legally restrained from seeing my children; I went broke ...Only AA kept me from running away." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, "They Stopped in Time," Ch 14 ("Growing Up All Over Again"), p 420.

Today, taking up an AA recovery program in and of itself does not excuse me from responsibility to the consequences of my drinking - nor should it. In facing those consequences, my life in early recovery may become even more difficult than it was when I was drinking because recovery may require complete reconstruction of my entire being. Part of that rebuilding may be to answer for my misconduct of my drinking days. If I am in the position of accountability although I am not drinking, the purpose of my AA program in part is to give me the tools to accept responsibility and consequences without a slip or relapse. And in taking responsibility and paying whatever dues I owe, I may be able to see myself grow into sobriety by clearing away the garbage of my drinking days. If today should be one of judgment for me, I will embrace it as an opportunity to be done with the bad once and for all and move forward by accepting whatever may be my just due. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

TRUST

Our entire Program rests upon the principle of mutual trust. We trust our Higher Power, we trust the Program, and we trust each other.

~ Anonymous ~

When we were using, we trusted no one. We lied about everything, even the smallest thing, so how could we trust what anyone else told us? Cheating was a way of life. Finding reasons for our actions kept us busy rationalizing away our lives.

So how could we trust anyone? How could we trust ourselves? We couldn't even trust ourselves to keep track of our lies. They were so big and so many and so confusing that we just drowned bur denial in chemicals. They it didn't matter anymore.

The only thing we thought we could trust was our addiction. When we discovered it was the biggest lie of all, we lost trust in everything. We had nowhere to go. And that was the greatest day of our lives.

I have put my trust in the Program, the Steps, my sponsor, my group, and my Higher Power, and, little by little, day by day, I am learning to trust again.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

The great man is he who does not lose his child-heart.

~ Mencius ~

No matter what we have done or what has happened to us, no matter how guilty, worried, or fearful we feel, there was a time when we were small, innocent, and open-hearted toward the world. That happy and playful boy still lives within us. Sometimes he seems like a distant memory, but we would do well to bring him close to us, give him a place in our awareness, and honor and protect him.

Some of us remembered that little boy being treated too harshly or shamed too deeply, and we adopted false attitudes of disgust toward him. But we can go back still further to a time when he was innocent and we could love him. A strong and healthy man carries that boy close to his heart and lets him come forth to be playful and lighthearted. That boy can be the source of eagerness to learn and hope for the future. He can put himself in the shoes of the small and the weak and treat them with gentleness.

Today my child-heart beats within me as strongly as it ever did.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

Life is a process of learning to unlearn untruths someone else believes.

~ Laurel Lewis ~

The truth for each of us is unique. We may share values and opinions on many matters, but our perception is colored by our personal history.

Many of us grew up in or still live in families that demand our allegience to beliefs we don’t honestly share. Pretending doesn’t fit us anymore. Perhaps it never did, but we lacked the strength to stand up for our beliefs. We wanted desperately to fit in and be loved. We still do, but we want to respect ourselves too. We can do that only when we’re true to what we believe, regardless of the beliefs of our family members or friends.

At first it’s painful to break away from the beliefs that other people want us to share: we feel isolated and vulnerable. Let’s look to the women who are striving to grow in this same way to support us in our struggle. Knowing they understand our fear to be “us” makes knowing our personal truth all the more possible.

I will agree with the beliefs of some on my path today and disagree with others. I’ll ask my Higher Power for the courage to speak my own truth.

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I want courage and honesty

Sometimes I don’t want to go to my meeting. I especially didn’t want to when I'd had a slip and would have to admit that I wasn’t clean or sober. I felt I'd let myself down (or somehow had let down the group). I felt guilty, ashamed.

I've since learned that they will still accept me and help me—if I ask. What I have been learning in the program is how important honesty is to recovery. (I have lied to myself long enough.) To get help, I need to be open about my problems and my behavior with the people who can help me. It's the only way I can handle my addiction (as well as my emotional illness). When things are going well, it's easy for me to go to meetings. When I'm unsure about my sobriety or my recovery it takes courage.

I will pray for courage and use my daily Step Ten inventory to stay honest with myself.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

I sold the memoirs of my love life to Parker Brothers and they’re going to make a game out of it.

~ Woody Allen ~

Sexuality is a combination of our past experiences and our expectations for the future. Our sexuality is also influenced by social factors: advertisements, talk shows, movies, songs, etc. With all these influences, it’s not surprising that most of us are somewhat confused and often disappointed in our own sexuality.

If we’re newly-recovering, Easy Does It is the best thing to remember. When we were drinking/ drugging, we may have abused our sexuality. We may have used it as a weapon or threat. We may have allowed others to abuse it. We may have acted in ways we never would have sober. Recognizing this, we must now forgive ourselves and make a serious commitment to respect our bodies. Our Higher Power can help us let go of our past mistakes. He forgives us — and we can, too.

Making peace with our sexuality can help us value and enjoy ourselves again. Slowly, in time, positive feelings about our bodies and ourselves as sexual beings will develop.

Today I pray that my sexual self will emerge healthy and proud.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.

~ Epictetus ~

A Zen story tells of four monks who had made a vow to meditate for two weeks without speaking. They decided that each night they would gather in a dark room, light a candle, and meditate in silence.

One night the candle flickered, and then went out. The first monk immediately cried out, “Oh, no, the candle has gone out.” The second monk said, “You have just spoken!” The third monk pointed out, “You two have just broken our vow of silence.” The fourth monk arose, began a little dance, and said, “I win! I am the only one who did not speak.”

It is through listening that you are able to develop a greater understanding for what others are going through. Your listening enables you to stop the urge to control others, to overcome prejudice and judgment, and to gain greater awareness of what is going on around you. While it takes courage to stand up and speak at a meeting or to admit your shortcomings to others, it also takes courage to sit down and truly listen.

I will listen to the words of others, the guidance of my Higher Power, and the sounds of silence. In doing so, I will gain greater wisdom.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

If a ship has been sunk, I can't bring it up. If it is going to be sunk, I can't stop it. I can use my time much better working on tomorrow's problem than by fretting about yesterday's.

~ Admiral Ernest J. King ~

Have we ever really thought about the things we cannot change? We may know we can't change things, but we need to personalize that list. What people can't we change? What places? What things?

Until we make a list, we may spin our wheels trying to change the actions or thoughts of others. We may try to control the lives of our children, relatives, or friends. We may attempt to force attitude changes in the boss, teachers, or co-workers. We may even go so far as to believe we can change traffic patterns, the weather, or the past!

Saying we cannot change things is not enough. We need to recognize what people, places, and things we have been trying to change. By listing them, we will recognize there is only one thing in our lives that we can change—ourselves.

Who are the people and what are the things I cannot change? After I list these things, I can begin working on who I can change—myself.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Persuading others

This is a program of attraction, not promotion. It’s not necessary to persuade people to see things our way. If our new lives—clean, sober, and serene—are not enough to attract others, then they have not yet suffered enough to want help.

We are instructed simply to carry the message. Our Higher Power will put us in position to help others and put others in position to be helped. It then becomes their choice—to reach out for help or turn away.

Have I let go of helping others until they want help from me?

Higher Power, help me to remember that my job is only to carry the message.

Today I mil be available with the message for

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

The more I learn of others' problems, the more my own problems automatically dissolve.

~ TARTHANG TULKU RINPOCHE ~

Newcomer

The second part of Step Eight says, "became willing to make amends to them all." I have to admit that this is a lot harder for me than simply recognizing that I've caused harm. I don't know if I'm ready to talk to certain people.

Sponsor

The willingness to make amends to everyone we've harmed, even those who may have harmed us, is something that we don't have to force or strive for. We become willing as part of yet another gradual process in recovery. We have begun to recognize that everything is interrelated, that whatever we've done to others, we've also done in some measure to ourselves. This is true not only of any harm that we've dong but also of the compassion that we've begun to feel. As we come to understand the impact of addiction on our lives, as we release our secrets and are met with gentleness and understanding, as we participate in the healing laughter at meetings, we replace old feelings of shame with compassion. Our new capacity to feel compassion for ourselves restores and revitalizes our understanding and care for others.

We become willing to make amends when we realize that in doing so we are healing ourselves.

Today, I cultivate openness and compassion toward others.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

The older some of us get in AA the more we notice a tendency on our part to become a little bit less tolerant, a little less understanding in our relationship with the man still having trouble. We have been so long removed from the actual suffering that we are losing some of our understanding.

This is a good time to pick out the messiest case we can find and get back in the groove again. We can't afford to forget that we too are alcoholics and but for the Grace of God we would be in just as bad shape.

We may be years away from our last drunk but we are only one drink away from our next one. Don't lose the common touch.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

We Are Students

Dear God, once again, we are students.
In recovery we are learning the secrets of living completely.
In recovery we have cleared our thinking of obsessions, dependencies, denials, fears, resentments, and other destructive habits that have ruled us.

Dear God, through Your wisdom we have opened our minds to accept and our hearts to understand.

Dear God, in my troubled years I remembered my school days as perhaps the happiest of my life.
I thought they were gone.
But I've found them again through You, the Program, and my many teachers.
I love being back in school.
Thank You, God.

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

OUR DELIVERANCE

Read Psalm 91.

And now the Word of Truth is represented as addressing you with an authoritative assurance that your prayer will be answered, that in some way or other—not necessarily in the way that you expect—you will be rescued from your difficulty.

Surely He shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence. He shall covet thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou trust: His Truth shall be thy shield and buckler. You are to have no apprehension, for your protection is now assured in one of those illustrations from everyday life in which the Bible abounds. The motherly hen, at the slightest threat of danger, gathers the little chicks under her wings, covering them "with her feathers"; thus does God shield you from all danger once you have elected to trust Him. His truth shall be thy shield and buckler. It is the knowledge of the Truth about God and man that makes the demonstration.

Thou shalt not be afraid for the tenor by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day; nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. The arrow that flieth by day and the destruction that wasteth at noon refer to any difficulty of which you are consciously aware. It is, so to say, a daytime problem. The terror by night and the pestilence that walketh in darkness, on the contrary, imply something that, unknown to you, is working in your subconscious mind. Modem psychology has shown that most of our difficulties have their roots in the depth of the subconscious. These are indeed terrors of the mental night and pestilences of the darkness.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Breaker Breaker

Stop!—in the name of love…

~ from the song of the same name, by Eddie Holland ~

When the circuit breaker in my laundry room flipped off, I switched it back on. The dryer ran for a while, and again the breaker switched itself off. I turned it on again and did a few more laundry loads like this, discovering that I could get about 15 minutes of use before the circuit breaker would shut itself down. Finally, I called in an electrician, who told me that he could come after the weekend. During that time, I did more laundry, working the system at 15-minute intervals.

When the electrician arrived, he opened up the electrical panel and showed me a charred wire going into the laundry circuit breaker. “You came this close to having a house fire," he informed me soberly. "These breakers are designed to be turned off and on maybe 15 or 20 times in their lifetime; after that they're useless—the resistance backs up into the wiring system and voila, Kentucky Fried household.” I shuddered to think that my home was so close to danger, and felt very grateful that he had caught the problem in time.

When something in our life is malfunctioning, we receive signs, warnings, hints, and tripped breakers. In an emergency, we can override the breaker and keep going for a bit, but before long we must take action. If I had been more tuned in, I would have realized that something was wrong with the system and that it was not wise to keep overriding the breaker. In life, too, we cannot afford to keep overriding the breakers. We must heed the breaker's warning and go to the source of the problem rather than simply treating the symptom. Instead of depending on aspirin to take away a headache, we need to face who or what is giving us a headache and deal with the problem at its source.

Keep your antennae up for signals: Take the grace and then take the action.

Show me what I need to do to live in integrity and wholeness.

I accept God’s guidance through the messages of my life.