Even More Recovery Readings and Meditations - August

[bluidkiti]

August 18

Step by Step

"I had to hide, as a great many people in AA have had to do. I did my hiding in the hampers and in my dresser drawers. When we begin to do things like that with alcohol, something's gone wrong. I needed it, and I knew I was drinking too much, but I wasn't conscious of the fact that I should stop. I kept on. My home ...was a place to mill around in. I wandered from room to room, thinking, drinking, drinking, thinking. ...(A)nd after supper, I'd finish the job up and knock myself out." - Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, "They Stopped In Time," Ch 4 ("The Housewife Who Drank at Home"), pp 336-7.

Today, remembering what it was like, hiding full and half-empty whiskey bottles under the mattress, in a suitcase that hadn't been used in years, in seldom opened dresser drawers and, as I discovered later when I stopped drinking, in places I didn't know existed. All the hiding - even though I lived alone. It wasn't until I quit drinking and found bottles I forgot I had hidden that I realized that "something's gone wrong." There is no humor in the craziness of hiding booze in a house where no one but me lives, only a statement of the pathetic drunk I had become. Today I have nothing to hide, and it's only by the grace of God and AA that I no longer have a reason to hide. Today, I will not do anything that has to be hidden. Hiding just takes too much time and energy. And our common journey continues. Step by step. - Chris M.

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~ EASY DOES IT ~ (A Book of Daily 12 Step Meditations) ~

LYING

What a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive.

~ Shakespeare ~

When we set out to lie, the person always most painfully hurt is ourself. Trying to fool people is always done with arrogance. “You can’t fool all the people all the time." This deprives us of the ability to be willing and open minded. These lost qualities are necessary for us to have within ourselves if we are to find a comfortable recovery.

Big and even white lies seldom go undetected by the people in contact with the liar. Dishonesty always leads to the knowledge that the dishonest one is a cheat. This results in a return of painful shame, guilt, and regret.

The Program reminds us that those who cannot or will not recover are incapable of being honest with themselves.

I know when I lie I'm not being honest. The Program suggests to me that absolute honesty is impossible for humans but I have the capacity to grow in honesty.

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~ WISDOM TO KNOW ~ (More Daily Meditations For Men) ~

Facing our pain, seeing the enemy as a potential ally, learning to wait, giving inner events time to ripen and mature—are methods we can use... for transformation.

~ Harry R. Moody and David Carroll ~

Sometimes we need to break out of our established ways of thinking. We need to do what is counterintuitive in order to solve a problem. This program is a path of personal transformation. We lay the footings for this transformation by trying something different. Instead of forcing change, we get out of the way for change to happen.

We are not being passive and doing nothing. We are actively engaging in a new way of understanding. Who or what are my enemies? What am I battling? What if I look at enemies as potential allies who could teach me something? What if I didn’t work so hard at fixing a loved one’s problems? What if I decide to let a process evolve and see where it leads?

These transforming ideas create a whole different set of outcomes. As we try them on, perhaps not only will the problem be resolved, maybe we ourselves will be transformed.

Today I will be open to seeing things in a new way. I will assume that I don’t understand things completely and I can still learn more.

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~ A WOMAN’S SPIRIT ~ (More Meditations For Women) ~

I like to look at perfection as continual expansion. It’s only when I stagnate and am afraid of change that I am imperfect.

~ Carlotta Posz ~

Perfection is a coat of many colors. Some people think we are perfect just as we are, simply because we are children of God. Others think that perfection is an unattainable goal because we must release all shortcomings and strengthen all assets to attain it. From sponsors we learn that any effort to live more peace-filled lives heightens our sense of a more perfect existence.

Perfection, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. Luckily, we are surrounded by loving friends who can help us see our progress when we are blind to all but our failed attempts.

Our attempts to grow, learn, change, and love others more fully will satisfy our Higher Power completely. These acts, repeatedly made, will cultivate in us the only perfection that truly counts.

I will do the best I can today toward my loved ones and all others I meet. If I do that, God will view my actions as “perfect.”

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~ TODAY I WILL DO ONE THING ~ (Daily Readings for Awareness and Hope) ~

I am not a bad person

When I think about making an Eighth Step list of people I have harmed, I feel guilty and shameful. I get a knot in my stomach and start to feel down.

But there is that hopeful, spiritual part of me that knows I'm not a bad person even though I've hurt people. What is true is that I have two no-fault illnesses, and that particularly when using, I did some things I feel bad about and would not do again. What's also true is that this is just a list (no actions are needed yet), it is my list (no one need see it), and I can take my time. It helps when I keep in mind that I am a different person today, one with awareness, strength, and purpose.

Today I will make a list of the people I care about and do an act of kindness for one of them.

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~ BODY, MIND, AND SPIRIT ~ (Inspiration and Support for Recovery) ~

We must be willing to begin to learn to love ourselves.

~ Louise L. Hay ~

What a joy, what a relief to find a new friend in recovery — ourselves. Long hidden, perhaps to the point of non-existence, we buried ourselves in years of drinking or using and denied our own presence in the scenario of life. Rediscovering ourselves doesn’t happen overnight, however, just because we stop drinking. It’s a gradual getting-to-know-you process.

It takes time and patience and tender loving care to establish a relationship with ourselves, and to come to believe in ourselves. And it takes loving and discipline. Our bodies need nourishment, sleep, and exercise. Our minds crave nourishment, too. And our spiritual peace requires daily prayer and meditation to flourish.

But the rewards are great: now we can look forward to spending a lifetime with someone we love: ourselves.

Today help me see myself as a whole person, worthy of love and care and respect as I grow in sobriety. Help me accept who I am, and to become the best I can be.

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~ MORNING LIGHT ~ (Meditations to Begin Your Day) ~

Addictive behaviors come in many forms and packages and they can all put us into slavery where we are no longer free to walk in what God has given us.

~ Rodney Johnson ~

Those with addictive tendencies may not only be addicted to alcohol, chemical substances, gambling, cigarettes, or an excess of food, but also to a multitude of other things.

You may use technology so much that if you cannot get a signal for your cell phone or log on to your computer, your only focus becomes reconnection. You may be a daily exerciser who feels miserable when you have to skip a workout, so you end up creating misery all around you. You may focus solely on your work and not give time or attention to the needs of others—or even to your own needs.

Sometimes the most harmless or helpful habits can grow into addictions. If being without them—even for a short period of time—causes you discomfort, makes you lash out in anger and frustration at others, escalates your levels of stress or anxiety, or absorbs most if not all of your focus and attention, then your good habit may have developed into an addiction.

Today I will be aware of how being without a particular activity affects me.

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~ NIGHT LIGHT ~ (A Book Of Nighttime Meditations) ~

For every ailment under the sun,
There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it;
If there is none, never mind it.

~ Mother Goose ~

Long ago peddlers sold instant remedies for everything from illness to baldness. "Miracle" cures did a brisk business because people always wanted to try the next instant solution to persistent ailments and problems.

Are we still looking for a miracle cure, one that will make us that person we always wanted to be? Although those peddlers sold a lot of cures, none beat the time-tested methods of assured success for curing worry and woes: plenty of time, a good deal of effort, and an acceptance of things that can't be changed.

There are miracle cures in the program, but they are not instant. In fact, sometimes we can't even feel the restorative powers until months later. But if we continue to take them, the cures we get in the program are guaranteed for life. Our lives can be free from worries and woes with the program.

Tonight I can plan to get a good, healthy dose of the cure by attending a meeting tomorrow, reading literature, or talking with my sponsor.

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~ DAY BY DAY ~ (Daily Meditations for Recovering Addicts) ~

Adjusting and coping

Many of us in recovery do not like the idea of having to adjust and cope. We have “controlled” our lives for so many years, it’s hard to believe that the world does not revolve around us. But it doesn’t. And we can see now that forcing situations to suit ourselves inevitably leaves other people “unsuited” and unhappy.

The good news may not seem to make sense at first. If we find ways to adjust and cope, our lives will actually get easier. Things will go our way more often. We will experience less stress, both externally and internally. We will experience harmony.

Am I learning to adjust and cope?

Higher Power, help me to want what I have.

Today I will adjust to, or cope with, others’ wants or needs by

God help me to stay clean and sober today!

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~ IF YOU WANT WHAT WE HAVE ~ (Sponsorship Meditations) ~

Pray for the bastard.

~ SAYING HEARD AT MEETINGS ~

Newcomer

You've told me I should pray for someone who's been causing me all sorts of problems. But that’s not going to change him, is it?

Sponsor

I've heard various descriptions of how prayer works. Some say God listens; some say our thoughts affect the energy of the universe and create change; some say that we're conditioning ourselves to transform our own attitudes, and those attitudes, good and bad, are contagious. It's a mystery—but it does work.

Someone I worked with seemed so disrespectful and unpleasant that I dreaded encounters with her. I began saying a daily prayer for her health and complete happiness. Before gatherings that included her, I prayed that communication between us would be easy and smooth and that each person's highest good in that situation would be realized. The effects were dramatic. I experienced relief from my fear of facing her and began to see her as a whole human being. I genuinely began to want her well-being. My body language and facial expressions probably changed; perhaps I stopped sending messages of dislike and rejection when I saw her. For whatever reason, she stopped turning her back on me and sometimes actually smiled.

I'm not suggesting that we try to manipulate others to behave as we wish. Specific results and timetables aren't in our hands. But I do know that our prayers are always effective in furthering our own and others' processes of healing.

Today, I pray for others, placing them in my Higher Power's hands.

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~ THE EYE OPENER ~

Filth and dirt were the things we were trying to avoid when we climbed out of the gutter. To get physically out of the slime and still leave your mind wallowing in it will inevitably lead to trouble. You have only succeeded in getting your body on the sidewalk if your head is still in the gutter. You should get your feet with your head in God's clean air to insure sobriety.

To do something about your habits without cleaning up your thinking is like taking a bath and neglecting to wash your dirty feet.

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~ The 12 STEP PRAYER BOOK ~ (A Collection of Favorite 12 Step Prayers and Inspirational Readings) ~

Grant Me to Walk in Beauty

I come before You as one of Your Children.
See, I am small and weak;
I pray for Your strength and wisdom.
Grant me to walk in beauty and that my eyes
may ever behold the crimson sunset.
May my hands treat with respect
the things that You have created;
May my ears hear Your voice.

Make me wise, that I may understand the things
that You have taught others in our Program.
I long for strength, not that I may outreach others,
but to fight my greatest enemy—myself.

Make me ever ready to come to You with clear
thinking and candid eyes, so that my spirit, when
life disappears like the setting sun, may stand
unashamed before You.

~ Adapted from a prayer by Chief Yellow Lark ~

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~ AROUND THE YEAR WITH EMMET FOX ~ (A Book of Daily Readings) ~

OUR ASSURANCE

Read Psalm91.

Far He shall give His angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways. They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone. This is one of the loveliest of all the promises in the Bible. For tender beauty it stands alone. He shall give His angel charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways—and it is meant for you and for me. It might have seemed appropriate enough that some exalted Being should be given an escort of angels to surround him, to support him, to keep him in all his ways. But the Bible is the book of Everyman, and this promise is given to you and to me.

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~ A DEEP BREATH OF LIFE ~ (365 Daily Inspirations for Heart-Centered Living) ~

Because I Say So

The choice is yours to make between a sleeping death…or a happy waking and joy of life.

~ A Course in Miracles ~

Walking out of the movie theater after seeing Mr. Holland's Opus, I felt exhilarated. In the midst of the parking lot, I stretched out my arms, looked up at the stars, and exclaimed, "Life is good!" I laughed and turned to my friend and asked her, "Do you know why? Because I say so."

I recognized with perfect surety that I can live any life I choose. If I want to be happy, that's my choice. If others want to be miserable, that’s up to them. l do not have to justify, explain, rationalize, apologize, or compromise my choice for joy. I create my own reality, just as you do. The universe is big enough to have all kinds of reality happening simultaneously, and none of us needs agreement from anyone to verify the world we choose to live in.

Do you remember when, as a child, your father laid down a rule, and when you asked him, "Why?" he answered, "Because I said so.” He was affirming that he had the power to establish your reality, and you didn't get to question it. Now you have the power to establish your own reality, and no one else gets to question it.

When I worked with profoundly mentally handicapped people, most observers pitied them, but I respected them. They were some of the happiest and most loving people I have ever met. Their intellects were minimally developed, which allowed them to retain their childlike innocence throughout their lives. Perhaps on some cosmic dimension their souls decided they could learn a great deal about joy by living an entire life without thinking too much. Are they better or worse off than most people? That depends on the side of the telescope you're looking through.

What reality would you like to live in? Do you choose a world of love, abundance, and celebration, or one of fear, lack, and doom? The choice is yours—because you say so.

Bless me with the choice to live in a world that reflects Your loving presence.

I choose a reality of ever-expanding good.