Defects of Character

[MajestyJo]

Forgiving/Resentful

Forgiveness is healing not of just my past, but my life in today. It is ironic how God gives me what I need, often gently but more often than not by a 2 x 4.

I just got off the phone after whining about why I didn't go to a certain meeting because I found so many personalities at the group that I have trouble finding the principles. I got off the phone, read the reading from the Daily Guru today and it was about forgiveness. It reminded me that God has a big eraser.

Instead of being resentful about other people's actions and words, I needed to let go and find forgiveness, consider the source and often look at where they are coming from. It isn't always about me, yet it needs to begin with me.

I don't do it for them, I do it for my own recovery. Looking out keeps me sick.

Last night I found myself shutting off and not listening to my friend called. She stayed overnight at my place on Wednesday and left for a 10 a.m. appointment. She cooked a lot of food and only ate about 1/3 of what she cooked. Made a whole pot of coffee and only drank 1/4 of it. It was so strong I couldn't drink it.

After I got off the phone, I thought, "How important is it?" Is it worth finishing an eight year relationship over some wasted food. Of course, it wasn't. Being the hostess, I should have cooked the rice and let her tell me what she wanted done to it. The reason I didn't was because I was in major pain, but then I always have pain and it was no reason to take it out on her. I went to a computer class with her. I had vowed I wasn't going to go, but did anyway. I did learn something though. It was a class on Outlook Express and was free.

It is alright to be angry. It isn't right to hang on to it. It not only hurts me, but her as well. How often I forget that when my thoughts are projected they are harmful, especially when they come back at me.

Posted in 2006

Was thinking of this person today, almost got the bus to go to her place this afternoon. Then I think and remember, she smokes and has birds that fly around in her house, and even if the were in the cage, they would bother my asthma and my C.O.P.D., so I followed up with a phone call when I got home and there was no answer.

Forgiveness is a big part of recovery. I have found that prayer is the healing solution, for me and the other person.