More Recovery Readings - August

[bluidkiti]

August 3

You are reading from the book Today's Gift.
Creativity is so delicate a flower that praise tends to make it bloom, while discouragement often nips it in the bud. --Alex Osborn
A garden of flowers blooming is a beautiful sight to see. Through the green leaves surrounding a tulip we see hints of yellow or pink or red. Each day the flowers greet us with their radiant color. Yet, a sudden frost would wilt and fade the flowers.
Each time we create something new with our talents we are like a young flower opening. Whether we draw or write or sew or play a musical instrument, all creativity has this in common. Appreciation from those around us is like sunshine for the flowers. Harsh criticism, however, is like the cold air--it wilts and deadens our desire to create.
We all need warm encouragement for our endeavors, and we can give as well as receive it. In this way, creativity can bloom in our homes and our friendships, bringing a garden full of color and delight into our lives.
What encouragement can I offer to someone near me?


You are reading from the book Touchstones.
To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. --Henri J. M. Nouwen
Knowing our loneliness and admitting it to us is the beginning of a spiritual path for many men. Today we are on a spiritual journey. We already have the means to translate the pain of our loneliness into a deeper spiritual dimension. Most men in this program came in deeply aware of their feelings of isolation. Now, with the companionship of our Higher Power, we can spend time alone and use it for spiritual growth. As we develop a relationship with ourselves and deepen our knowledge of our Higher Power, our loneliness transforms into solitude.
In this quiet moment today, we can be more accepting of ourselves than we were in the past. We admit loneliness has caused us pain, but now we can see that it also can lead us to our deeper self where we find serene solitude. This change is a movement into the spiritual world.
Thanks to God for the solitude I have found in my life.


You are reading from the book Each Day a New Beginning.
All that is necessary to make this world a better place to live is to love - to love as Christ loved, as Buddha loved. --Isadora Duncan
To be unconditionally loved is our birthright, and we are so loved by God. We desire just such a love from one another, and we deserve it; yet, it's a human quality to look for love before giving it. Thus many of us search intently for signs of love.
Too many of us are searching, rather than loving. Truly loving another means letting go of all expectations. It means full acceptance, even celebration of another's personhood. Not easy, but so rewarding, to ourselves as well as to the one who is the focus of our love.
Love is a balm that heals. Loving lightens whatever our burdens. It invites our inner joy to emerge. But most of all, it connects us, one with another. Loneliness leaves. We are no longer alienated from our environment. Love is the mortar that holds the human structure together. Without the expression of love, it crumbles. This recovery program has offered us a plan for loving others, as well as ourselves. Love will come to us, just as surely as we give it away.
Each and every expression of love I offer today will make smooth another step I take in this life.


You are reading from the book The Language of Letting Go.
Owning Our Power in Relationships
So much of what I call my codependency is fear and panic because I spent so much of my life feeling abused, trapped, and not knowing how to take care of myself in relationships. --Anonymous
No matter how long we have been recovering, we may still tend to give up our power to others, whether they be authority figures, a new love, or a child.
When we do this, we experience the set of emotions and thoughts we call "the codependent crazies." We may feel angry, guilty, afraid, confused, and obsessed. We may feel dependent and needy or become overly controlling and rigid. We may return to familiar behaviors during stress. And for those of us who have codependency and adult children issues, relationships can mean stress.
We don't have to stay stuck in our codependency. We don't have to shame or blame ourselves, or the other person, for our condition. We simply need to remember to own our power.
Practice. Practice. Practice using your power to take care of yourself, no matter who you are dealing with, where you are, or what you are doing. This is what recovery means. This does not mean we try to control others; it does not mean we become abrasive or abusive. It means we own our power to take care of ourselves.
The thought of doing this may generate fears. That's normal! Take care of yourself anyway. The answers, and the power to do that, are within you now.
Start today. Start where you are. Start by taking care of who you are, at the present moment, to the best of your ability.
Today, I will focus on owning my power to take care of myself. I will not let fears, or a false sense of shame and guilt; stop me from taking care of myself.


Today I will take enough time to do something good for myself only. I will buy myself a gift or spend worthwhile time doing something pleasant and fulfilling. I have enough time today and I deserve this time for myself. --Ruth Fishel

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Overcoming Fear
From the Overcoming Fear On-line Course

by Debbie Ford

We can control the quality of our lives if we are willing to face our fears rather than burying, suppressing or avoiding them. Confronting our deepest fears, our terror, is a way out of the agony of our ongoing stories and into the glorious world of empowerment. Almost all of us were terrorized in some way when we were young. For you, maybe it was when you were bullied in school or when one of your siblings locked you in the closet. Something happened to activate the feeling of fear, of sheer terror, and at some point you rejected your fear and made a decision that this was a bad way to feel because you associated it with some negative event.

Now it is time for you to be the adult and take charge of your internal world. You have to be the one to take back your power, even if you're scared. When you are in fear, it's because you believe in that darkness more than you believe in the light. You might believe that if you do enough, read enough, pray enough or chat enough, you can obliterate your fear, but I am here to tell you that it's impossible to make the fear happy. You might think that if you listen to it long enough, it will go away. But it won't. You must confront it. You must take back your power. You say, "Yes Debbie but how?" Well here is the antidote for your fear: LOVE IT. Don't try to discard or rid yourself of your fear, because you probably aren't strong enough. But what you can do is bring the light to the darkness. That light is love. When faced with your fear, you can ask yourself, "How can I love myself even when I'm in the middle of my fear? You can turn around and face your fear. You can stop te! rrorizing yourself further for being scared and instead find out how old that fear is. You can ask yourself, "How many years, months, weeks, days and minutes have I been terrorized by the same thing?" Count it out and write it down. And then find some sweet compassion for the kid in you that is scared to death.

The greatest way to take on your fear is to create safety for yourself. Safety is the key to courage. And action is your way of showing yourself that you are safe and that you can take care of yourself.. For example, if you hold a secret fear that you could become a bag lady but have no financial plan, then you're going to be continuously terrorized. Get a money mentor. Find out how much money you need to put away and then start on that path. If you're afraid that someone is going to attack you, get trained in self-defense. If you're afraid your business partner is going to extort you, have an agreement drawn up that protects you. If you're fearful that your partner is going to leave you, find out what you would need to do to know that, even if they did leave, you're a desirable and extraordinary person? If you're scared that you're going to pass your limiting beliefs and issues on to your kids, what transformational class would you have to attend or what coaching could you ! participate in to ensure that you're giving them your highest? If you're scared you're going to get sick, what measures could you take right now to nurture your well-being? Add tai chi or yoga classes to your weekly schedule and seek out an integrative healthcare practitioner (such as an acupuncturist or body worker) to mitigate stress and keep your body in balance.

Since ultimately you are the one that can make you feel safe, what environment do you need to create around you? What support structures could you put in place? Ask yourself where in your life are you not protecting yourself - not taking care of yourself. What subtle adjustment or quantum step can you take this week to put in a measure of safety somewhere in your life where you are fearful? Whether it's adding antioxidants to your daily regimen, putting money in savings, having an alarm system installed, getting insurance, or praying to the divine, do what it takes to ease your heart and mind. Make a commitment this week. Find an area where you have fear and take it on! Published with permission from Daily OM

*****

Journey to the Heart
Learn to Be Present

"I haven't been able to give you much materially," he said. "Not jewelry, diamonds, gold. But the gift I've given you, what I've had to offer, is staying fully present for you."

Presence is a gift-- staying fully present for friends, family, ourselves, our lives. Staying in the moment, with our hearts open, will change other people's lives and ours.

So often we've learned, out of habit or fear, to be only partially present, partially conscious, for ourselves, others, and our lives. We aren't certain what we're feeling; our attention and energy are diverted to the next place, the next person. We're there, kind of.

There's another way, a better way. One where we keep our hearts open and know what we feel. We take the risk of being vulnerable enough to share who we really are and to allow others to do the same. We become fully present for each moment and each person on our path.

Yes, there are times when it isn't safe to be open, when the energy of a circumstance isn't right for us. But that usually reveals a lesson and dictates a choice. It may be time to learn, time to leave, time to feel, time to choose.

Learn to release all that stands in the way of you and the present moment. Learn to let go of all that blocks you from being fully present for yourself and others.

Give the gift of presence to yourself and to the world.

*****

more language of letting go
Push against the wind

One day at the drop zone, I began working with a new skydiving coach, John. We were on the ground, rehearsing the moves we were going to make during free-fall time. He knew that I was having trouble controlling my body during free fall.

John noticed something about me, then suggested we try an exercise.

We stood up.

He pushed me, on the shoulder.

Instead of pushing back, I let my body go where he pushed it. I was practicing nonresistance, the skill I had acquired in martial arts. He pushed me again. Again I demonstrated nonresistance. I let my body naturally move in the direction it was pushed. This act of not resisting had served me well, both on the mats and off the mats. Not resisting people when they wanted to argue-- learning to say, "Hmmm," instead of engaging in battle-- kept my life and environment calm. Not resisting when problems or experiences came into my life enabled me to go with the flow and be calm and centered enough to tackle these problems much more efficiently than if I was resisting them.

I explained this to John.

"Nonresistance is good to practice many times in your life," he said. "But sometimes you need to fight back. You need to assertively push against what's pushing on you if you want to get where you want to go.Pushing against the wind-- directing your body assertively-- is what you need to do if you want to learn to fly."

Practicing nonresistance is good in our lives. Surrendering is an invaluable tool. Both these activities take us immediately into the flow of life. When we're relaxed, we tune into God and our inner selves. Once we surrender, we automatically know what to do next, and when to do it.

But sometimes we need to assert ourselves, too. Surrendering and practicing nonresistance don't mean we turn into pieces of paper being blown about by every wind. Sometimes we need to push against the resistance coming our way.

That's how we assert ourselves, that's how we guide and direct our course. That's how our Higher Power guides and directs us,too.

We've learned to surrender. Now it's time to learn to assert ourselves,too. Have you surrendered so much that you've stopped asserting and expressing yourself? Assert yourself. Make the moves your heart leads you to do. Know where you want to go and what you want to say.

Once you've admitted powerlessness, learn to connect with your power. Learn when it's time to practice nonresistance, and learn when it's time to push against the wind.

God, help me align with your power in my life. Teach me to express and assert that power as I go through my day.

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A Day At A Time
August 3

Reflection For The Day

The Twelve Steps were designed specifically for people like us — as a short cut to God. The Steps are very much like strong medicine which can heal us of the sickness of despair, frustration and self-pity. Yet we’re sometimes unwilling to use The Steps. Why? Perhaps because we have a deep-down desire for martyrdom. Consciously and intellectually, we think we want help; on a gut level, though, some hidden sense of guilt makes us crave punishment more than relief from our ills. Can I try to be cheerful when everything seems to be leading me to despair? Do I realize that despair is very often a mask for self-pity?

Today I Pray

May I pull out the secret guilt inside that makes me want to punish myself. May I probe my despair and discover whether it is really an imposter — self-pity with a mask on. Now that I know that the Twelve Steps can bring relief, may I please use them instead of wallowing in my discomforts.

Today I Will Remember

The Twelve Steps are God’s Stairway.

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One More Day
August 3

Somewhere along the line of development we discover what we really are, and then we make our real decision for which we are responsible.
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Many of us have begun to reexamine our lives and our values. Am I proud of how I act? Of what I do? Will this decision be in my best interest? Do I have strong, interacting relationships?

A likely result of this might be that we fool ourselves less now and that we don’t try to fool others. The discovery of what we really are and of what is important to us urges us toward greater honesty. We are freer to make amends to friends and family members for things we’ve said or done. We hesitate less in asking for help and in telling others when we feel wronged. best of all, we’ve rid ourselves of our old victim mentality and have taken responsibility for our lives.

I will begin happily to make responsible decisions today.

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In God’s Care

Only trust, perfect trust can keep one calm.
~~God Calling, May 10th

For many of us, developing trust as we work our program has been painstakingly difficult. Perhaps we grew up in families where trust was betrayed. Many of us experienced friendships and marriages that turned sour when we learned our companion had not been trustworthy. And we, too, often failed to lie up to the trust someone special had placed in us.

Learning to trust that our Higher Power cares for us, always, will relieve our anxious moments and restore our trust. In time we will come to know that when we’re with God, all is well.

The calm of knowing our well-being is guaranteed comes when we willingly relinquish our frenzied attempts to control all the events in our frenzied attempts to control all the events in our life. One way we can learn to do this is by practicing quietness and breathing in calmness each time we feel anxiety over an outcome. This will allow us to trust – a bit more every day – that God is at the helm and our life is on course.

I will be calm as often as possible today, and a peaceful, trusting feeling will fill me up.

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Day By Day

Preserving and affirming our lives

Some people seem to have no problems using mood-altering durugs, but for us, they are highly destructive. When we used drugs, we lost our lives – physically and spiritually – and barely regained them through the Twelve Step program.

We who are chemically dependent, must never use them again – or we risk relapse to full-blown addiction. Our path is one of total abstinence through the program.

Am I preserving and affirming my life?

Higher Power, help me to preserve my life by staying clean and sober.

I will affirm my life and practice my program today by…

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Food For Thought

Speaking from the Heart

Through the OA fellowship, we offer each other mutual support. Since we believe that the Higher Power works through the group, what one of us is prompted to say is probably just what another member needs to hear.

Sometimes we are reluctant to speak of what is in our heart for fear of being embarrassed, belittled, or betrayed. We are so accustomed to masking our true feelings that we often lose touch with them. In OA, we are assured that what we say will be received in a spirit of acceptance and love. We do not need to be afraid of revealing our deeper selves.

It is a healing experience to belong to a group, which is dedicated to honest communication with a minimum of game playing. When we make a genuine attempt to describe where we are in our program, we are met with a warm and supportive response. Our Higher Power opens the way for meaningful communication and mutual love.

Open our hearts to You and to each other.