Steps By The Big Book

[bluidkiti]

Where are we responsible?
We develop new skills in asking where we were responsible in the course of day to day happenings. The Big Book authors never accuse, criticize, or judge us. The purpose of this step is to help us become aware of ourselves as we were in the past and how we are today. We are invited to precisely describe our thinking and behavior. We name our part. We wrestle with spiritual inquiries such as where was I self-centered or dishonest or at fault? We must honestly ask what these terms mean to us in our own experience and in our own words. (See 47: 1; 63: 3) We set down a true picture in accurate proportion and real perspective of how we were involved.
We may have been selfish intentionally, or because we did not even think of the concerns of others. Certainly we have often lied or not been genuine on purpose, but we are also dishonest when we see things only in our own distorted way, and not as they really are. Our self-seeking and inconsiderate behaviors relate to where we tried to control or manipulate others, thinking that we were better than or inferior to them. Fear is our number one character defect, underneath all the others. Our behaviors are driven by ancient fears for our very existence, of losing our security, of not getting our desires, and of being shown up for what we are trying to hide. These culminate in our faults: our instincts and emotions in collision, or deep seismic gaps between what we instinctively want for ourselves and what we wish for others.
In Step 4, we practice giving accurate descriptions of what has blocked us from our Spirit. We state where we missed the mark when we could have been on target, and where we were out of bounds in this game of life. Why do we behave in these ways? Because we are alcoholic. (See 60: 2; 338)


Turnarounds
In focused meditation and prayer, we recognize that others like ourselves are sick and suffering. We ask our higher power to help us wish for others and for ourselves that we all may have deep happiness, genuine serenity, and peace of mind. This helps return us to being right size, and gives us a new perspective as we join in with life. We find that we put our trust in this new faith, not by way of emotion or wishing, but by our own experience through our own practice.


Step 4 Directions
The directions for Step 4 are in the Big Book, yet surprisingly few alcoholics in recovery comprehend them, and fewer still practice them. Our goal is to do both. Our method is to follow the instructions as written and see what the results are.
The reading describes what an inventory is. (64: 1) Then the Big Book authors look at the things in ourselves which had been blocking us (64: 0) from our higher power, which turns out to be self, manifested in various ways. (64: 2) This chapter specifically mentions the blocks to our Spirit of our resentments (64: 3), our fears (64: 3), and the consequences of our own conduct (69: 1) in the area of our personal relationships (including sex). (64: 3 - 65: 0) For each of these three manifestations of self (anger, fear, sex) the book has us analyze our life experiences in these four ways:
1STWe set them on paper. (64: 3) We learn that our troubles are not so much who hurt us or how they did that, but rather may stem from our own reaction to what part of ourselves is being threatened.
2NDWe considered it carefully. (65: 3) Why work to change? We learn that we have to wrestle with these issues or we may drink again and die.
3RDWe turned back to the list. (66: 3) When we are ready to change we learn we must avoid retaliation, and instead see others as being as sick and as worthy as ourselves.
4THReferring to our list again. (67: 2) We learn that by examining our defects and shortcomings (50: 1), our motives (86: 2) and the exact nature of our wrongs (59: 2), where we may be selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened, (67: 2) we thereby become willing to set these matters straight. (67: 2)
Each of these four workings of our lists teaches us something from our own experience that can keep us sober and open the way to our own higher power.
For our resentment inventory in Session 8 and Session 9, we will do a close and careful reading of the Big Book pages 64 to 66, and pages 66 to 67.
Session 10 covers fears, BB pages 67 to 68.
Session 11 looks at our sex and relationship conduct, BB pages 68 to 71.
Session 12 has an optional ‘pocket’ Step 4 guide written by a group member, which is available for review.
Optional Step 4 written inventory forms are included.

pp. 38-39