Sharing and Caring - ESH

[MajestyJo]

From time to time, I will share my own personal awareness on a topic and the gift that has been given as a result of working my program. It is just my experience, strength and hope, and isn't meant to represent any one fellowship. It is my truth, not someone else's or my interruptation of what I heard or read.

From Alkie Speaks:

I realized I had a body which can't tolerate alcohol, which is OK. except that I had a mind that can't leave it alone. I'd always said that I could take it or leave it alone - I couldn't do either.

- Doug D.

Because I had a high tolerance for alcohol, I thought I wasn't an alcoholic. I labelled my dad and my ex-husband as alcohlics because they passed out, fell down, staggered, were violent, couldn't walk or drive a straight line. I once said to my dad, "You drove in that condition?" He had just come from his girlfriend's. He looked at me and said, "Well I certainly couldn't walk and proceeded to fall flat on his face and I had to help him to bed.

The reality was that I could match them drink for drink, drive them home, function and resented them for drinking all the booze, before they passed out. I wanted to party and there wasn't much for me. That is when I started hiding my booze. I couldn't have consumed all that liquor and been sober although I never saw myself as drunk. There was only a couple of times that I recall taking the stairs on my hands and knees.

When I saw myself in my dream, because I was wearing red high-heeled shoes and walking a straight line, I was sober. Then I saw myself in living colour and saw the person I changed into when I did drink. It wasn't what or how much I drank. It was what it did to me when I did drink it.